The Official Joke Thread

[Bob Garage]

Hi all, I'm selling 2 mobiles that I'm not using anymore, if anyone is
interested:


* Nokia with camera (4.1 mega pixels)
* Nokia with camera and vibrating alert


Have a look at the pics and let me know if you're keen.
(See attached file)

[Bob Garage]

Q. What goes ClipClop Bang ClipClop Bang?

A. An Amish drive-by shooting!

[Bob Garage]

Numbers of the Beast

666 = Number of the Beast

660 = Approximate Number of the Beast

66600 = Zip Code of the Beast

DCLXVI = Roman numeral of the Beast

666.0000 = Number of the High Precision Beast

0.666 = Number of the Millibeast

/666 = Beast Common Denominator

(-666) ^ (1/2) = Imaginary number of the Beast

6.66 e3 = Floating Point of the Beast

1010011010 = Binary of the Beast

1-666 = Area code of the Beast

666 mph = The vmax of the Beast

$665.99 = Retail price of the Beast

$699.25 = Price of the Beast plus state sales tax

$869.95 = Price of the Beast with all accessories and 3 yr extended warranty

$656.66 = Price of the Beast at Walmart

Phillips 666 = Gasoline of the Beast

Route 666 = Way of the Beast

666 F = Oven temperature for Roast Beast

666K = Retirement plan of the Beast

666 mg = Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast

6.66% = 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast of Hell National Bank

$666/hr = Beast's lawyer's billing rate

Lotus 6-6-6 = Spreadsheet of the Beast

i66686 = CPU of the Beast

665.9997856 = The Number of the Beast on a Pentium

1232 Octal, Apt. 29A = Beast's hexed address

668 = Next-door neighbor of the Beast

333 = The semi-Christ

[Bob Garage]

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish..........................49
Adventurous.....................Slept with everyone
Athletic........................No cleavage
Average looking.................Ugly
Beautiful.......................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile................Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure..............On medication
Feminist........................Fat
Free spirit.....................Junkie
Friendship first................Former slut
Fun.............................Annoying
New-Age.........................Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned...................No BJs
Open-minded.....................Desperate
Outgoing........................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate......................Sloppy drunk
Professional....................Bitch
Voluptuous......................Very Fat
Large frame.....................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate.................Stalker


WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?


MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

[Bob Garage]

Orthapedic Bed For Men

[Leighton]

Teehee!

[Invaders]

what kind of bad aussiejoke was this? I didnt get it

[Leighton]

Tom DeLay is a US politician. Poor diddums finally quit yesterday after scandle after scandle and it looks like his supporters finally got their act together.

[Bert Jan]

what kind of bad aussiejoke was this? I didnt get it

Me neither

[Bert Jan]

Tom DeLay is a US politician. Poor diddums finally quit yesterday after scandle after scandle and it looks like his supporters finally got their act together.

Ohh..and so they put their posters with the garbage..alright!