The Official Joke Thread
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General Chat. Thats the theme here. Where it wont go anywhere else, it should go here. Everything goes as long as its allowed.
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Fadingtoblack
- That Was Just Your Thousandth Post
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Re: The Official Joke Thread
^^ As a soon to graduate engineer, that was pretty hillarious, thanks mate!
As cunning as a fox who's just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University
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damageinc
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Re: The Official Joke Thread
I don't know what do you think but I see a Metallica-style "M" letter on this building. It's funny and interesting at the same time imo.
Last edited by damageinc on Wed Aug 22, 2007 7:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Toosa
- Sad But True
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Re: The Official Joke Thread
Wonder what is the purpose of that building...Maybe new Metallica headquaters.
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damageinc
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Re: The Official Joke Thread
I found this on 4H forum. It's fuckin' cool IMO! 
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Doin
- Broken, Beat, but not scarred
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Re: The Official Joke Thread
Antique Roadshow spoof ...
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... &plindex=0
Fat Hands sketch
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... &plindex=0
Office Wanking sketch
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... &plindex=0
Do You Speak English?
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... &plindex=0
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... &plindex=0
Fat Hands sketch
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... &plindex=0
Office Wanking sketch
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... &plindex=0
Do You Speak English?
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... &plindex=0
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Snow
- Broken, Beat, but not scarred
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- Location: wherever I may roam
- Country: United Kingdom
Re: The Official Joke Thread
"7 Kinds of Sex"
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex un til you are blue
in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have
been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you
will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have
been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine
and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have
been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in
the hallway you both say "screw you".
The 5th kind of sex is called: Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife/hubby any more. She/He takes you to court and screws you in f ront of everyone.
The 6th kind is called: Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the
morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.
OOPS. Don't forget the 7th kind of sex - Social Security Sex. You
get a little each month. But not enough to live on!
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex un til you are blue
in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have
been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you
will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have
been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine
and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have
been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in
the hallway you both say "screw you".
The 5th kind of sex is called: Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife/hubby any more. She/He takes you to court and screws you in f ront of everyone.
The 6th kind is called: Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the
morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.
OOPS. Don't forget the 7th kind of sex - Social Security Sex. You
get a little each month. But not enough to live on!
We spit on those who choose to pose... we'll thrash with all the rest
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MetDream
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Re: The Official Joke Thread
God was just about done creating humans, but He had two parts left over.
He couldn't decide how to split them between Adam and Eve, so He thought He might just as well ask them...
He told them one of the things He had left was a thing that would allow the owner to pee standing up...
"it's a very handy thing," God told them, "and I was wondering if either one of you had a preference for it."
Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged "Oh, please give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems like just the sort of thing a man should have! Please! Pleeease! Give it to me!" On and on he went like an excited little boy.
Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he could have it. So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee standing up...
Adam was so excited he just started whizzing all over the place - first on a rock, then he wrote his name in the sand, and then he tried to see if he could hit a stump ten feet away - laughing with delight all the while...
God and Eve watched him with amusement and then God said to Eve, "Well, I guess you're kind of stuck with the last thing I have left."
"What's it called?" asked Eve...
"Brains," said God...
He couldn't decide how to split them between Adam and Eve, so He thought He might just as well ask them...
He told them one of the things He had left was a thing that would allow the owner to pee standing up...
"it's a very handy thing," God told them, "and I was wondering if either one of you had a preference for it."
Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged "Oh, please give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems like just the sort of thing a man should have! Please! Pleeease! Give it to me!" On and on he went like an excited little boy.
Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he could have it. So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee standing up...
Adam was so excited he just started whizzing all over the place - first on a rock, then he wrote his name in the sand, and then he tried to see if he could hit a stump ten feet away - laughing with delight all the while...
God and Eve watched him with amusement and then God said to Eve, "Well, I guess you're kind of stuck with the last thing I have left."
"What's it called?" asked Eve...
"Brains," said God...
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Bob Garage
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Re: The Official Joke Thread
A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy.
Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.
Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed.
Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor.
"I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"
The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him:
"I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself."
"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had the same procedure done some time ago."
"And what about the third rose?" she asked.
"That's from a man upstairs in the burn unit.
He wanted to thank you for his new ears."
Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.
Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed.
Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor.
"I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"
The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him:
"I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself."
"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had the same procedure done some time ago."
"And what about the third rose?" she asked.
"That's from a man upstairs in the burn unit.
He wanted to thank you for his new ears."
Theres a vortex in the fridge,
The food flies about
Throttled by sausages
I cannot get out!
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MetDream
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Re: The Official Joke Thread
Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. My blood pressure was high, my cholesterol was high, I'd gained some weight, and I didn't feel so hot.
My doctor said eating right doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve my physical problems. He said just think in colors; Fill your plate with bright colors; greens, yellows, reds, etc.
I went right home and ate an entire bowl of M&M's and sure enough, I felt better immediately. I never knew eating right could be so easy.
My doctor said eating right doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve my physical problems. He said just think in colors; Fill your plate with bright colors; greens, yellows, reds, etc.
I went right home and ate an entire bowl of M&M's and sure enough, I felt better immediately. I never knew eating right could be so easy.
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Snow
- Broken, Beat, but not scarred
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Re: The Official Joke Thread
Ok, so I know I am a post whoring Brit 
but I thought I would share some more of the sickness
These are all text messages that I have been sent over the last few weeks,
You have been warned!
Can you help, we are having a whip-round for Pavroti's funeral but we are a Tenor short
but I thought I would share some more of the sickness These are all text messages that I have been sent over the last few weeks,
You have been warned!
Can you help, we are having a whip-round for Pavroti's funeral but we are a Tenor short
We spit on those who choose to pose... we'll thrash with all the rest