The Official Joke Thread

[flickn]

[Bob Garage]

Domain Names

People spend a lot of time thinking up their children's names. It's just
> a pity they don't always think as hard about their domain names.
>
> The following domains are real.
>
> Firstly there is Who Represents?, a database for agencies to the rich
> and famous:
>
> http://www.whorepresents.com
>
> Second is the Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can
> exchange advice and views:
>
> http://www.expertsexchange.com
>
> Looking for a pen? Look no further than PenIsland:
>
> http://www.penisland.net
>
> Need a therapist? Try:
>
> http://www.therapistfinder.com
>
> Finally we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South
> Wales:
>
> http://www.molestationnursery.com

[Bob Garage]

>One Question IQ Test
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>Here's a one question IQ Test to help you decide how you should spend the
>rest of your day.....
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>There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of
>brushing one's teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper
>and the purchase is done.
>
>Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how
>should he express himself? Think about it first before
>scrolling down for the answer...
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>He opens his mouth and says. "I would like to buy a pair of sunglasses"
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>If you got this wrong - you truly are a dumb ass. Please clear out your
>desk, say goodbye to your fellow employees and apply at Mc Donald's

[Bob Garage]

Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the 3 of them and said, "So ya'll want to be a cop, eh?"


The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a file folder. Sitting back down, he opened it up and withdrew a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect.


You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars, etc."


So he stuck the photo in the face of the 1st blonde and withdrew it after about 2 seconds. "Now, he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about the man?"


The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"


The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"


The 1st blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.


The detective then turned to the 2nd blonde, stuck the photo in her face for 2 seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"


"Yes! He only has one ear!"


The detective put his head in his hand and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!! You're excused, too!"


The 2nd blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.


The detective turned his attention to the 3rd and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but......." He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying "All right. Did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"


The blonde said, "I did. This man wears contact lenses."


The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts...How in the world could you tell that by looking at this picture?"


The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well duh!


With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses!"

[Bob Garage]

The US defence secretary is giving the president his daily briefing, and concludes by saying:


"Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident'


"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"


His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sits, head in hands.


Finally, the President looks up and asks..........


''How many is a Brazillion ??!'

[Bob Garage]

BIRD FLU REACHES PARIS!

[Zrak0z]

BIRD FLU REACHES PARIS!

Haha... Good one!

[Bob Garage]

Scousers at the "Pearly Gates"...

...St Peter says this is most unusual, we have not had any scousers in here before. I don’t know what to do, I don’t think you will be allowed in. I will have to go and ask.

So of he troops to God. God asks how many there are, St Peter replies loads. So God says go and tell them on this one occasion half a dozen will be allowed in and that they will have to decide amongst themselves who the six will be.

St Peter goes off. He returns after a couple a minutes and says, they are gone. God says what all of them? St Peter replies no "the Gates".

[Bob Garage]

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and

this should help get you started...


During a visit to the Mental Asylum, a visitor asked the Director what

the criteria was which defined whether or not a patient should be

institutionalised.


"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a

teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to

empty the bathtub."


"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the

bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."


*** scroll down ***


"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug."


Do you want a room with or without a view?

[Bob Garage]

A woman is driving on the road…

A man is driving in the opposite direction, on that same road…

When they pass each other, the man rolls down his window and shouts
- Horse!

Immediately the woman shouts back
- Wanker!

The woman laughs because she is happy to have reacted so quickly to the
shouting man, and takes the turn in the road with high speed.


NOW LOOK AT THE PICTURE


The moral:

“Women never understand what men say"