The Official Joke Thread

[Bob Garage]

What do you call a drummer with no arms or legs?
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A clever dick!!

[Bob Garage]

A blind man wanders into a lesbian biker bar by mistake. He
finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for
awhile he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The
bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice,the
woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think you
should
know 5 things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 pound blonde woman with a black belt in
karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional
weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

"Now think about it seriously, mister. Do you still wanna tell that
joke? The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and
mutters...Nah....not if I'm gonna have to explain it
five times.

[Bob Garage]

WEB GAME

Think of a letter between A and W.
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Repeat it.out loud as.you scroll down.
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Keep going ............................ . .
Don't stop . . ..
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Think of an animal that begins with that letter.
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Repeat it out loud as you scroll down.
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Think of either a man's/woman's name that begins with the last letter in the animals name
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Almost there........
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Now count out the lettersin that name on the fingers of the hand you are not using to
scroll down.
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Take the hand you counted with and hold it out in front of you at face level
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Look at your palm very closely and notice the lines in your hand
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Do the lines take the form of the first letter in the persons name?
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. Of course they fu**in don't.......
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.Now smack yourself in the head, get a life, and quit playing stupid web games!

[Bob Garage]

A California highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the crowded freeway. Glancing at the car, the officer was astounded to see that the young blonde woman behind the wheel was knitting.

She was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, so the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO," the blonde woman yelled back. "IT'S A SCARF!"

[Bob Garage]

What's the definition of the bravest man in the world??
The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of perfume, then slaps his wife on the backside and says: "You're next, fatty."

[Bob Garage]

Here's a Fen joke for you

A Chatteris couple are getting married, and the night before the wedding, the two sets of parents have dinner together.

The fathers get on to talking about there children and how proud they are of them. The father of the bride comments that he is proud that his daughter has stayed faithful to her vow of staying a virgin until she is married.

Aghast, the father of the groom goes red in the face, jumps up from the table and declares -

"That's it, the wedding's off!"

"If your daughter isn't good enough for your family, she certainly is not good enough for my son!"

[Bob Garage]

Two prostitutes walking down a street, one turns to teh other and says 'Ere Tracey, you ever been picked up by the fuzz?' Tracey replies 'nah, but I've been swung round by the tits a few times'

[Bob Garage]

2 old ladies on a park bench, the 1st one says

"'ere doris, you ever seen Come Dancing?"

"no?" replies Mable, "but i have seen seamen jig!"

[MetDream]

Guys'Rules
>­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­at last a guy has taken the time to write this all downFinally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear"the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No areperfectlyAcceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problemonlyIf you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is aproblem.See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,don'tExpect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant theother one.

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible , Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus didNOTneed directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We havenoidea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, itwillBe scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.Round S a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
>Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh

[Bob Garage]

This is the best product I have seen on the market for a long time. Basically it is a cleaner for the inside of your computer screen (other uses may be found I'm sure)

I have tried it and it's proven - you can get right into the corners too!

Give it a go and let me know what you think. Just click on the link below for a free trial!

http://mirrored.flabber.nl/boob.cursor/ciagnijcycka.swf

Warning, do not open this link at work or anywhere else that will embarrass you or get you fired.