The Official Joke Thread

[Snow]

Two dyslexics run into a bank and shout "Air in the hands mother stickers - this is a fuck up!"

Did you hear about the Dyslexic devil worshipper - he sold his soul to Santa

Actually, ever thought about what a cruel word Dyslexia is, I mean if you suffer from it and a lot of people do.....how are you supposed to spell it?

[Snow]

RACIST ALERT

Black man goes into the doctors and says he can't stop jogging.
The Doc puts two lines of white powder on his desk adn tells him to snort them both.
He does this and he immediately stops still.
"Fuck me - is that Cocaine?" he says
"No" replies the Dr "Its Persil - guarenteed to stop coloureds running"

[Snow]

Three Words

Six Letters

One Question

Guarenteed to destroy a man's confidence...


......IS IT IN?

[Snow]

Plumber gets caught on "Builder's From Hell" shagging houseowners dog on CCTV. Woman sues him but the Judge dismisses the case as he was CORGI registered!


That won't mean a thing to anyone but the brits

[Snow]

A Chinese couple have become the first of their kind to have an albino baby. Just goes to show 2 Wongs can make a white!

[Snow]

An Irish family have been found frozen to death outside the Dublin Odeon.
They had been queueing for 3 months to see "Closed For Winter"

[Snow]

A dustman knocks on a Japanese blokes door. The Jap opens the door and says "harro"
"Where's your bin" asks the dustman
"I bin on loo" says the Japanese man
"No Mate where's your dustbin"
"I tow you, I bin on loo"
"Look Mate, Where is your wheelie bin"
"Ok I bin having a wank"

[Snow]

The eight year old boy who weighs 14 stone was asked on TV earlier today what his favourite musical instrument was. The fat bastard replied "The Dinner Bell!"

[Snow]

RACIST ALERT!

Two old codgers have been down the pub for a few beers after their weekly game of bowls. Whilst driving home they knock a little black boy off his bike.
In the ensuing panic they shove the boy and his bike into the boot (thats the trunk to our American cousins ) of the car along with their bowling balls.

As they are driving along they notice a Police car following them. Sure enough they get pulled over by the old bill, who search the car. When the policeman opens the boot (trunk) the PC gets on his radio

"Sarge, I've found a niggers nest - one has hatched and its already nicked a fucking bike!"

[Snow]

My wife doesn't like the old car I got her anymore. She said that she wants something that will go from 0 - 140 in three seconds....
...so I got the fat cow a set of bathroom scales!