The Official Joke Thread

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RACIST ALERT
A young girl asks her mother
"Is it possible to get pregnant from Anal sex?"

After thinking for a second the mother replies,
"Yes, of course it is, where do you think muslims come from"

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Big bad wolf says "Open your blouse so I can suck yer tits"
"Fuck off," Red Riding hood says dropping her knickers "Eat me like it says in the book"

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RACIST ALERT
A recent survey shows that most men are in favour of the muslim full face veil........

........it solves the age old problem of where to wipe your cock after a blow job!

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A 95 year old man is given a jar to provide a sperm sample for analysis at hospital.
He turns up two days later with the empty jar. The nurse asks him why there is no sample.

He says "Sorry but I tried with my left hand, I tried with my right hand"
"My wife tried with both her hands, then with her mouth - first with her teeth in then with them out"
"Then we got Eythl from next door, she tried with both hands, teeth in and out but it was no good......."


...............We just could get the lid off of the jar!"
you dirty minded people what did you think of;)

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A skinny white man walks into a lift and stares at the huge black man in front of him.
He looks back at the white fella and says "Before you ask, seven foot tall, 350lbs I have a 14" cock, my balls weigh 3lbs each Turner Brown"
The white guy just faints dead away. When he comes around he asks the guy to say that again. The black man repeats his stats and says "my name is Turner Brown"

"Thanks God for that, I thought you said TURN AROUND!"

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An Irishman finds a sandwich in the gutter with two red wires sticking out of it.
Immediatley he runs to phone the police.
"Help me bejesus, I've found a sandwich that looks like a bomb"
The operator says "Is it tickin'?"
"No" replies the Irishman "I tink its beef!"

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A zookeeper says to Paddy,
"The gorilla is on heat and we need someone to have sex with her. Would you consider shagging her for £500"
Paddy replies
"I will on three conditions"
"Firstly I don't kiss her"
"Secondly, my family will necer find out"
"Thirdly, you will have to give me a couple of weeks to get the money together!"

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A son asks his father the difference between "THEORETICALLY" & "REALISTICALLY"
"Hmm thats a hard one..." His dad thinks for a few minutes
"I have an idea, go and ask your mother if she would sleep with the milkman for a million pounds"
The son comes back, "She said yes"
"Ok, now go and ask your sister if she would sleep with the postman for two million pounds"
Off the son goes again and a few minutes later comes back...
"She said yes as well, Dad"
to which the dad says "There you have the difference my son,
THEORETICALLY we are sitting on 3 Million quid;
REALISTICALLY we are living with a coupld of slags!"

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A tramp walks into a jewellers shop and starts fingering his arse.
The amazed shop assisstant screams at him in horror
"You dirty rotten bastard, what the hell do you think you are doing?"
The tramp casually turns and points to the sign which reads
"Come In And Pick Your Ring In Comfort"

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A bootiful story.

What has Bernard Matthews got in common with Freddie Mercury


Both ended up fucked by infected cocks!