CHRISTIANITY: You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.
SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes one and gives it to your
neighbour.
COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some
milk.
FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRACY: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks
the other, then throws the milk away...
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
harmonica lessons.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AMERICAN CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the
other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse
why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to
your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your
brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an
associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax
exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows is transferred
via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the
majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed
company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an
option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new President of the United States ,
leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public buys your bull.
THE ANDERSEN MODEL: You have two cows. You shred them.
FRENCH CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a
riot, burn both cows and block the road with their smoking carcasses, because
you want three cows.
JAPANESE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are
one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it
worldwide.
GERMAN CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live
for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
ITALIAN CAPITALISM: You have two cows, but you don't know where they
are. You decide to have lunch.
RUSSIAN CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You count them and learn you
have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count
them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open
another bottle of vodka.
SWISS CAPITALISM: You have 5000 cows. None of them belongs to you. You
charge the owners for storing them.
CHINESE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking
them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and
arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
INDIAN CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You worship them.
BRITISH CAPITALISM: You have two cows. Both are mad.
IRAQI CAPITALISM: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them
that you have none. No-one believes you, so they liberate your country by
turning it into a civil war zone. You still have no cows, but at least now you
are part of a democracy.
AUSTRALIAN CAPITALISM: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
Theres a vortex in the fridge,
The food flies about
Throttled by sausages
I cannot get out!
A soldier came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there. Out of breath he asked, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes. I'll explain why later."
The nun agreed.
Just a moment later, two Military Police came running along and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier running by here??"
The nun replied, "He went that way." After the MPs disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough Sister, you see I don't want to go to Iraq."
The nun said, "I can fully understand your fear."
The soldier added, "I hope you don't think me rude or impertinent, but you have a great pair of legs!"
The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls...
I don't want to go to Iraq either."
Theres a vortex in the fridge,
The food flies about
Throttled by sausages
I cannot get out!
apologies in advance for the easily offended... more glasgow bomb jokes....
One of the Glasgow bombers Singed Majeep is complaining that all he gets in hospital to eat is haggis, neeps and tatties. What the heck does he expect in the burns unit?
Did you know there is a new website for muslim terrorists to get in touch with their old pals? It's at www.friends-reignited.com
McDonalds have announced the introduction of their new "Flamin McMuslim Burger", but regret that it is only available at the Glasgow drive thru!
The recent incident at Glasgow airport was NOT a terrorist attach, merely a mistake. Apparently, two Glasgow muslims, Singed Majeep and Maheedsa Roasted were merely celebrating the festival of Ramavan!
For sale, Green Cherokee Jeep, 20000 miles one careful owner, goes like a bomb!
Theres a vortex in the fridge,
The food flies about
Throttled by sausages
I cannot get out!
I do like to live dangerously so thought I might share this with you............
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't
feel
Like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to
hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for
me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me
For who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to
sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
Several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one
to
take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
Compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each
outfit."
We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have
thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was
testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even
know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She
was
almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is
all dear,
let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't
feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
"WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me
to
Satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,
"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy
you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....
Theres a vortex in the fridge,
The food flies about
Throttled by sausages
I cannot get out!
METALLICA WORLD MAGNETIC AUSTRALIA TOUR 2010
*September
15/16 Melbourne
18 Sydney
October
16/18/19 Brisbane
22/23 Perth
November
10/11/13 Sydney
15/16 Adelaide
18/20/21 Melbourne
.......I WILL BE AT ALL OF THEM!........ FUCK YEAH!~
R.I.P Dave Brockie R.I.P Cliff Burton R.I.P Dimebag Darrell Abbott R.I.P Layne Staley R.I.P DIO R.I.P Cory Smoot R.I.P Jeff Hanneman R.I.P John Rutsy thanks to deadone for the sig Looking for Metallica-1997-02-12-Winnipeg RETIRED FROM TRADING Check out my DVD list in TXT Hit F5 to Refresh List
........... 
